Love & Life

My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.


"Why? " he asked, shocked.

"I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world !" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man who was not able to even express his predicament, so what else could I expect from him?

And finally he asked me: "What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right... It's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: "Here is the question. If you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind.

Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death. Will you do it for me?"

He said: " I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but....please allow me to explain the reasons further.....

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.


You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city. I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month. I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes. I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand...and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the colour of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die ... "

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. .. And as I continue on reading... "Now, that you have finished reading my answer, and if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...

I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's LIFE, and LOVE. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms; even in very small and cheeky forms. It has never been a model. It could be the dullest and most boring form ...

Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... AND THAT'S LIFE

Moral :
1. Most of the time we do not appreciate people around us, they may not good in expressing their feelings but it doesn't mean that they don't love you.
2. If they aren't good at expressing love, then why don't we take the first step to show some love???

- Author Unknown

Attitude Versus Aptitude

Overcome A Major Fear :

A major source of stress in your life is the "fear of rejection" or "fear of criticism." This fear of rejection manifests itself in an over-concern for the approval or disapproval of your boss or other people. The fear of rejection is often learned in early childhood as the result of a parent giving the child what psychologists call "conditional love."

Rise Above the Need For Approval :

Many parents made the mistake of giving love and approval to their children only when their children did something that they wanted them to do. A child who has grown up with this kind of conditional love tends to seek for unconditional approval from others all his or her life. When the child becomes an adult, this need for approval from the parent is transferred to the workplace and onto the boss. The adult employee can then become preoccupied with the opinion of the boss. This preoccupation can lead to an obsession to perform to some undetermined high standard.

Avoid Type A Behavior :

Doctors Rosenman and Friedman, two San Francisco heart specialists, have defined this obsession for performance as "Type A behavior." Experts have concluded that approximately 60% of men and as many as 30% of women are people with Type A behavior.

Don't Burn Yourself Out :

This Type A behavior can vary from mild forms to extreme cases. People who are what they call "true Type A's" usually put so much pressure on themselves to perform in order to please their bosses that they burn themselves out. They often die of heart attacks before the age of 55. This Type A behavior, triggered by conditional love in childhood, is a very serious stress-related phenomenon in the American workplace.

Action Exercises :

Here are two things you can do immediately to deal with the fear of rejection, criticism and disapproval.

1. Realize and accept that the opinions of others are not important enough for you to feel stressed, unhappy or over concerned about them. Even if they dislike you entirely, it has nothing to do with your own personal worth and value as a person.

2. Refuse to be over concerned about what you think people are thinking about you. The fact is that most people are not thinking about you at all. Relax and get on with your life.

- By: Brian Tracy

Inspiring Story - Never Too Late

The morning dawned sunny and warm; it was a perfect day for a wedding. All of the preparations had gone smoothly. My shining moment was near. My maid of honor had just begun her walk down the aisle, stepping in perfect time to the music. There I stood in a beautiful satin wedding gown my mother had so lovingly made for me. It was my turn. My heart filled with joy and anticipation as I stood ready to walk down the aisle toward my new life. Then I saw my father, Ralph, stagger drunkenly toward me. I was sickened by the smell of alcohol on his breath. He nearly fell as he hooked his arm through mine. Within seconds, the "Wedding March" started playing - it was time to go.

So I did the same thing I had done so many times before - I faked it - just to keep up appearances. I glued on my best smile, mustered all my strength to hold my dad upright and then walked him down the aisle. Only when my dad was safely seated, and I stood at the altar holding my fiance's hand, could I concentrate on the ceremony. For me, the most important part of my wedding had been ruined. I was angry, embarrassed and extremely hurt. I decided that day to never forgive my father.

My dad had been an alcoholic since I was a little girl. His drinking just snuck up on our family - starting quietly, but getting slowly worse each year.

The escalating problem became very real for me one beautiful October day in 1963 when I was eight years old. I sat on the back step of our home breathing in the fragrance of the autumn leaves and admiring the perfect blue sky. Then I saw my dad begin to load all of his belongings in the car. I looked up at him in disbelief and asked, "Daddy, where are you going?" With tears in his eyes, he answered, "I'm taking a job downtown and need to live there for a while. But I'll be back soon."

I held out a child's hope that he would return home one day. But his out-of-control drinking led to a divorce. He never moved back. After that, I spent virtually every Saturday with my dad - all the way through my teen years. I wish I could say that those were happy days, but frequently they were spent waiting in the car while my dad went into the tavern to "make a few phone calls." My resentment toward him grew and continued to increase until that fateful wedding day.

My resolve never to forgive my father lasted for more than three years after my wedding. Then, something happened. On his seventy-first birthday, my dad visited a doctor to have a complete physical. Shocked at my dad's condition, the doctor told him, "Ralph, unless you quit drinking right now, you won't be alive to give your daughter away at her wedding." My sister's wedding was just six months from then.

Those words scared my father, so he checked himself into a thirty-day, inpatient alcoholic treatment center. Relieved he was finally getting the help he needed, my sister and brothers and I rallied around my dad to give him support. We attended family counseling sessions to learn more about the disease. Although I was supporting his attempt to get sober, I still felt a lot of anger toward him and was unable to forgive him for past hurts.

One day the physicians and counselors met with us and said, "Do not expect a miracle. Your dad is retired, lives alone and has been drinking for over forty years. He will relapse." So we didn't get our hopes up, but we did continue to pray for a miracle.

Then, one day, the miraculous happened. Dad called me and asked if he could meet with me. When we got together, the first thing he said was, "I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you and the rest of the family. I know I don't have a lot of years left on this earth, but I want to live them sober." Dad took my hand, looked me in the eyes and asked, "Will you say the Lord's Prayer with me?" Crying together, we held hands and prayed. As I recited the words of the prayer, I could feel the anger and hurt begin to melt away.

The healing had begun. From that day on, Dad never took another drink. He read the Bible daily, joined Alcoholics Anonymous and became involved in a church. He frequently quoted scriptures to me and claimed only one thing was standing between him and alcohol: "Jesus." My own faith grew with each day of my dad's recovery. As my faith strengthened, my ability to forgive strengthened and I was finally able to let go of the past.

Dad remained sober for the next fourteen years and the miracle continued. At age seventy-two he founded an alumni association for recovering alcoholics and typed an inspirational newsletter on an old typewriter, then mailed it out monthly to nearly 100 people.

At age seventy-three, my dad helped organize an annual hospital event where hundreds of recovering alcoholics and their families gathered to celebrate their sobriety.

At seventy-six he became a proud Red-Coat volunteer at a local hospital, delivering newspapers, flowers and encouragement to patients, and pushing the wheelchairs of new mothers holding new babies who were going home. Dad volunteered there until he was seventy-nine, when he became ill with prostate cancer and moved into a nursing home.

Instead of moping about his situation, however, he appointed himself "the ambassador" for the home. My father took newcomers under his wing, giving them tours of the place and showing them humor in every corner. On holidays, he occasionally called to say, "I'm going to be a little late today because some people here have no visitors - and I'm not leaving anyone alone on Christmas."

When my father died at eighty-five, my brothers, sister and I expected only a few people at his funeral, but over 100 people came. Most were strangers to us, yet one by one, they shared their memories of my dad.

"Your dad is the reason my dad is sober today."
"Your dad is the reason my mom survived living in that nursing home."
"Your father is the glue that held our family together during our dad's drinking crisis."

Then seven men - all wearing red coats - quietly walked in to pay tribute to Dad for inspiring them to volunteer at the hospital. Many of them were over eighty years old.

Had I not removed the blinders of anger and resentment - had I not forgiven my dad - I'd never have witnessed the positive ways he had touched the world. I know now that it's never too late to forgive.

- By Debra Schmidt

Leadership Skills Training

5 Irrefutable, Non-Negotiable Laws of Leadership
- By Kevin Berchelmann

Leaders, new and old, sometimes lose sight of the most fundamental tenets of leadership. Here's a reminder…

I frequently tell executives that leadership and its concepts, theories and core applications haven't changed in a millennium.

Some of our demographics may have changed. This forces us to use alternative applications of those concepts. But the basic leadership concepts and theories remain.

So, why don't we "just do it?"

Sometimes we aren't motivated. Sometimes the "time" just doesn't seem right. Maybe we simply forgot some of the basics… hence this article.

When I train companies and corporations worldwide on how to improve management and organization performance, I start off with these 5 laws new and experienced leaders should never ever forget.

Kevin's Leadership Skills Training Survival Kit for New & Experienced Managers

Leadership Law #1: Never delay a decision that must be made.

Make your decision and move on. You may have to immediately make another decision. This doesn't mean your first one was wrong. It merely means that your second one had the benefit of additional knowledge.

Leadership Law #2: When you want something specific done, say so specifically, using clear, plain language.

Employees generally have some difficulty doing their basic jobs. By adding "mind-reading" to their description is just plain unfair.

Do not use hints, implications, or innuendos. Say what you want, and use plain English! Directness counts.

Leadership Law #3: Never answer every employee's every question.

Questions are teaching moments -- don't rob employees of the opportunity. But don't spend your whole time answering questions.

When you always answer every employee's every question, you'll forever be answering your employee's every question. This will leave you with no time to spend on areas that need your direct attention now.

Sounds trite, and I don't mean it to.

If employees are asking because they're stupid, get rid of them. If they are decent employees asking because they do not know, then teach them. They'll know next time, and you'll both be better for it.

Leadership Law #4: Make your expectations clear, then back up a bit and give employees room to do their job.

That doesn't mean to never look back. To inspect what you expect isn't micromanagement. It's good management.

Even your top performers need clear expectations. Give them a target. Provide resources and guidance. Remove obstacles when necessary. Then let them do their job. But, don't forget to check back later, since you still have management responsibilities.

Leadership Law #5: Employees need their managers to be leaders

Your employees don't need a shoulder. They don't need a buddy, a sympatico, or a commiserator. If you want a friend, buy a dog.

We all struggle with this. Everyone wants to be liked, and it always seems difficult to decline a beer after work, or something similar. I'm not advocating a monk-like existence, disallowing any contact with your troops. I'm just merely reminding you that they would like to have a friend, but they need a leader if they are to be successful.

You do want them to be successful, don't you?

Closing Leadership Thoughts :

These leadership laws are fairly intuitive, and certainly not rocket science or brain surgery. They are simple management and leadership truths that have passed the test of time.

Print these out. Laminate it. Put in your top desk drawer and don't forget them.

Self Motivational Story

The Home Stretch
- by Karen Hayse


Four miles! I’ve only run four miles! I stood at the side of the road, dejected, waiting for a relief wagon to pick me up. I hadn’t even run a third of Kansas City’s Hospital Hill Half-Marathon. Six months of training down the drain—all because of a microscopic virus.

Sprained muscles, bad weather . . . I thought I planned for it all. But strep throat?

Add medicine that had side effects like rapid heartbeat and shortness of breath; I didn’t have a prayer of finishing.

Regardless, my parents met me at the finish line with an armful of pink roses. The offering was bittersweet, since I clutched them after climbing out of a van instead of after sprinting across a finish line.

I vowed I’d try again. Unfortunately, Kansas City half-marathons are in short supply, and life got busy again.

For one, I suddenly became a mom of an eight-year-old.

Cute little Mandy Porter had packed all her things, waved good-bye to her foster parents and moved into our spare bedroom. This pixie-like redhead had been passed around like most foster children. Unfortunately, her story was more disheartening than the average one. Twice, she had been placed for adoption and began calling an unfamiliar couple “Mom” and “Dad.” Twice, the stress had been too much for these new parents, and they sent little Mandy back to foster care. Social workers call this an “adoption disruption.” I call it a soul disruption.

My husband and I would become two more in a line of uncertain parents for Mandy. The very day she moved in, we could see why the disruptions had happened. Little Miss Mandy was a tough cookie—throwing tantrums daily, refusing to comply, being passive, being aggressive, being anything but cooperative.

Seven years had passed since my undoing at Hospital Hill at mile four, but even after all those years, I still felt empty and undone at not having finished the 1994 race. Advertisements for the 2001 half-marathon popped up again on store windows. I mulled over whether or not to try again. I had been having hip pain so badly that I was having trouble sleeping and hadn’t run in years.

I oscillated between sending in an application and being realistic. I had little time to prepare. And I had a daughter, now a teenager, who still took immense amounts of time and energy.

I don’t quit. I do what I say. I could hear my own words echo back to me. I thought, This is a perfect opportunity to show this to Mandy—to let her see that I mean it, instead of just hearing it.

I mailed my application and bought new shoes. I found running routes with big hills like the official Hospital Hill course, and I ran them whenever I could squeeze it in.

Too soon, that Sunday morning arrived. Mandy and I swung into a downtown parking spot and headed to the starting line. I told her, “I hope to finish in two and a half hours. Meet me at the finish line at 10:30.”

She nodded.

I lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. “Mandy,” I said, “I don’t quit. Not in this race, and not on you. I am running this race for you.”

With my number pinned securely, I found my place in the mob of runners and lost sight of my precious daughter.

Could I do it? I had to!

I am strong, and I don’t quit! I am strong, and I don’t quit! It was my mantra, the words that patterned my cadence.

Oh no! Is that a raindrop? The gray sky opened up, and sheets of rain began to pelt us. My shoes became soggy and doubled in weight. The wet socks rubbed my feet, forming instant blisters.

I don’t quit! I yelled the words in my mind now, picturing my daughter waiting at the finish line. My hip began to sear with pain, and the raindrops turned to torrents.

I repeated the words, louder and faster at the never-ending hills. Through the pain, I felt exhilarated. I would do it. I was doing it!

Sooner than I realized, I rounded a corner to discover the official clock ticking off the finish times. It read “2:13.” On the one hand, I was thrilled; regardless of all the obstacles, I had finished fifteen minutes sooner than I expected! On the other hand, I kept picturing Mandy inside where it was dry, watching the clock for the time I told her to come out to meet me.

I sprinted the last few yards, planning my strategy to find Mandy in the thick pack of people inside the Crown Center.

But I didn’t have to. There she was—her rain-drenched hair dripping onto her soaked T-shirt. And even through all the raindrops—and now the tears—I could see her beaming smile and her arms open fully to receive me.

“I made it, Mandy! I don’t quit!”

“I knew you would, Mom,” she said, holding me tightly as we stood in a deepening puddle. “I’m so glad you never quit.”

Love

Someone taught you how to love,
and probably didn't know it.
And in return, with every day,
It's now your turn to show it.

When you love, you give a gift,
And when you're gone it stays
To be passed on by the ones you loved
To make some one else's day.

So remember someone who loved you,
And show how much you care,
By sharing all the love they gave
With people everywhere.

When you give away your love,
That doesn't mean it's gone.
Love will last forever,
so open your heart...
and pass it on.

- Unknown

Beautiful Inspiring Story

One of the most touching and purest love story I've read in a while.

From the very beginning, girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy, saying that it has got to do with family background, & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.

Due to family's pressure, the couple quarreled very often. Though the girl loved the guy deeply, she always asked him: "How deep is your love for me?"

As the guy is not good with his words, this often caused the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vents her anger on him. As for him, he only endured it in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?"

The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he left, they got engaged.

The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it was hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realized that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum cry, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. She had lost her voice.

The doctor says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down. During the stay in hospital, besides silent cry, it's still just silent cry that accompanied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone which pierced into her heart every time it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.

With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply and countless phone calls. All the girl could do besides crying is still crying. The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.

With a new environment, the girl learnt sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.

A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing an invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. When she opened the letter, she saw her name on it instead. When she was about to ask her friend what was going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her.

He used sign language to tell her, "I've spent a year to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You." With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The girl finally smiled.

******************************************
Moral :

Treat every relationship as if it's the last one, then you'll know how to give.

Treat every moment as if it's the last day, then you'll know how to Treasure.

Treasure what you have right now, or else you may regret one day.

- Author Unknown