Power of Positive Talk

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.

I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did… fall.

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.

My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I will never make it pro, but I am now a pretty goodSunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do.

Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

The point is made.

If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I am brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.

If you `try' and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I have got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite."

People respect honesty. So remove the word `try' from your vocabulary.

My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.

These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.

Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.

So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, "I am fat. Nobody will like me. I will try this diet. I am not good enough. I am so stupid. I am broke, etc. etc."

If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.

Notice when you or other people use them

But: Negates any words that are stated before it

Try: Presupposes failure

If: Presupposes that you may not

Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener

Would have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen

Should have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt)

Could have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen

Can't / Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.


Examples:

Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"

Likely result: Drops the ball

Better language: "Catch the ball!"

Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."

Likely result: Watches more television.

Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"

Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.

- Author Unknown

Crosswalk

As I slowly pulled myself into work this morning, I was overwhelmed with exhaustion; with full speed stress headed my way. Anticipating the "mind over matter" feeling I needed, my eyes not wanting to open my "inbox" to start the day, I remembered the crosswalk.

I was on my way to work a couple weeks ago, frustrated at how late traffic was making me, annoyed at my bad hair day. It was already scorching hot, humid and NO wind. I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep. While being frustrated and annoyed and just plain angry at the day, I was held at a stop light for what seemed like forever.

I glanced over to my left and saw a woman probably in her mid twenties, waiting for the crosswalk sign to allow her to cross. She was dressed in bright colors, gorgeous shoes, with a purse at her side and a glowing smile! Along with these striking things, she also had her dog along for the stroll.

A joyful golden retriever, hopping along on the leash, excited for the day and to be outside with his owner. He just couldn't sit still with how much energy he had. So the woman petted him with her hand, and was talking to him with so much expression, and love - they were so happy! It made me smile underneath my gloomy bad mood.

One detail not mentioned; the woman dressed in bright colors, gorgeous shoes, purse and a glowing smile, with her pal at her side was handicap, in an electric wheel chair, which she could only operate with her right hand. As the crosswalk sign changed, and she pushed the black knob forward to operate her wheelchair across the street, her dog followed happily beside her as the leash was tied to the arm of her chair.

A tear filled my eye, and I smiled! Someone else's situation can kick your mind into gear and remind us what to be thankful for! I have no doubt this woman and her dog were put there for a reason, so I would wake up, and enjoy my day no matter what my hair looked like, no matter what traffic I was stuck in, and no matter what my day had in store for me!

I greatly appreciate this woman and her golden retriever, for teaching me a wonderful lesson! Pay attention to the smallest moments, they will teach the most!

- By Amy Sandlin

Personal Discipline

Personal discipline, when it becomes a way of life in our personal, family, and career lives, will enable us to do some incredible things. One of my favorite sayings is "When you discipline yourself to do the things you need to do when you need to do them, the day will come when you can do the things you want to do when you want to do them."

We need to understand the difference between discipline and punishment. Punishment is what you do to someone; discipline is what you do for someone. My friend and mentor Fred Smith points out that some people are very disciplined in one phase of their life and not in another. Pavarotti, for example, was a perfectionist in his music and yet totally unregulated in his eating habits. Elvis Presley's life points out the discrepancy between his discipline in his personal life and his creative life. Many noticed that he would sit at the piano, working for hours on his phrasing, going over and over it until it was exactly right. He was totally disciplined about his singing. Even some geniuses such as Ernest Hemingway, who lived a very dissolute and destructive life, said, "Every morning at eight o'clock I bite the nail."

Fred Smith goes on to say there are people with superior talent who will not submit to discipline and so are not known or recognized for their abilities. He met a young man who in high school could run so fast that he would run through the curves on the track. Coaches saw that he had world class speed and expected him to be an Olympian. He refused discipline, wanting to take the easy way of simply using his natural speed. He even lost his college scholarship. Laziness was his enemy.

Discipline is building good habits into reflexes which become part of our life. It's absolutely true that unless you can instill discipline upon yourself, you will never be able to lead others. Example is still the best teacher. As Fred says, "Discipline is building good habits into reflexes which become part of our life," and to this I would add that when it becomes a habit you will be able to control your impulses in each area of life and succeed in a balanced way.

- by Zig Ziglar

Clarity

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning, while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hang the wash outside. That laundry is not very clean, she said, she doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.

Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look! She has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this."

The husband said: "No actually, I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows!"

And so it is with life: What we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look.

- Author Unknown

The Perfect Boss . . .

There were about 70 scientists working on a very hectic project. All of them were really frustrated due to the pressure of work and the demands of their boss but everyone was loyal to him and did not think of quitting the job.

One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him - Sir, I have promised to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in our township. So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm.

His boss replied "OK, You're permitted to leave the office early today"

The Scientist started working. He continued his work after lunch. As usual he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when he felt he was close to completion.The time was 8.30 PM. Suddenly he remembered of the promise he had given to his children.

He looked for his boss,,He was not there. Having told him in the morning itself, he closed everything and left for home.

Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his children.He reached home. Children were not there.His wife alone was sitting in the hall and reading magazines.

The situation was explosive, any talk would boomerang on him. His wife asked him "Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight away serve dinner if you are hungry.

The man replied "If you would like to have coffee, I too will have but what about Children ??"

Wife replied "You don't know ?? Your manager came here at 5.15 PM and has taken the children to the exhibition "

What had really happened was ... The boss who granted him permission was observing him working seriously at 5.00 PM. He thought to himself, this person will not leave the work, but if he has promised his children they should enjoy the visit to exhibition.

So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition

The boss does not have to do it everytime. But once it is done, loyalty is established.

That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their boss eventhough the stress was tremendous.

By the way , can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was..?

He was none other than Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, President of India . . .

- Author Unknown

Life Is A Bright Sky

Life is like a bright sky;
and clouds represent instances of unhappy times.

Sometimes the clouds are so dark;
It's hard to remember the sun still shines.

Be patient. The light will return.
It's just waiting for an opportunity to peek through.

- Unknown

Don't Change the World . . .

Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a prosperous country. One day, he went for a trip to some distant areas of his country. When he was back to his palace, he complained that his feet were very painful, because it was the first time that he went for such a long trip, and the road that he went through was very rough and stony.

He then ordered his people to cover every road of the entire country with leather. Definitely, this would need thousands of cows' skin, and would cost a huge amount of money.

Then one of his wise servant dared himself to tell the king, "Why do you have to spend that unnecessary amount of money ? Why don't you just cut a little piece of leather to cover your feet ?"

The king was surprised, but he later agreed to his suggestion, to make a "shoe" for himself.

There is actually a valuable lesson of life in this story :

To make this world a happy place to live, you better change yourself - your heart; and not the world . . .

- Author Unknown