My father is a triathlete. That is, he has competed in several triathlons¯a kind of marathon that includes running as well as swimming and bike riding. He's been doing it for years, and he really enjoys all the sports, but his favorite is bike riding. Ever since I was little, I've always loved going biking with my dad. We would leave the city behind and follow the bike trails way up into the woods of Wisconsin. We had a favorite spot where we would picnic. It was always our special time, and it kept me in great physical shape.
But as I grew older and became a teenager, I was distracted by other things to do with my time. Suddenly, it was very important to go shopping with friends or to a movie with a boy. I saw my dad every evening at home. Why did I have to
devote my free Saturdays to all-day bike trips with him, too?
If my indifference hurt him, he never let on. He never asked me outright, but would always let me know when he was planning a bike trip in case I wanted to come.
I didn't, and as I approached my sixteenth birthday, I wanted to spend less and less time with my dad. Except for one thing I didn't mind being with him when he was giving me a driving lesson.
More than anything else, I wanted that driver's license. It meant freedom. It meant no more waiting for parents to pick me up. No more carpools. It meant looking cool behind the wheel of a car as I drove past my friends' houses. Of course, since I didn't have my own car, I would still be dependent on my parents, since they were allowing me to use theirs.
It was a Sunday morning, and I was in a terrible mood. Two of my friends had gone to the movies the night before and hadn't invited me. I was in my room thinking of ways to make them sorry when my father poked his head in. "Want to go for a ride, today, Beck? It's a beautiful day."
But I preferred to sit in my room and stew. I wasn't very polite when I said, "No! Please stop asking me!" It didn't matter that he hadn't asked me in months. Or that he was trying to cheer me up. It didn't even matter that he just wanted
to be with me, as I knew he did.
"Leave me alone!" That was what I said. Leave me alone. Those were the last words I said to him before he left the house that morning.
My friends called and invited me to go to the mall with them a few hours later. I forgot to be mad at them and went. I came home to find the note propped up against the mirror on the mail table. My mother put it where I would be sure to see it.
"Dad has had an accident. Please meet us at Highland Park Hospital. Don't hurry, just drive carefully. The keys are in the drawer."
I grabbed the keys and tried hard not to speed or cry as I drove.
When I reached the hospital, I went in through the emergency room. I remembered the way because I had been there once before when I broke my arm. I thought about that incident now. I had fallen out of the apple tree in our backyard. I started to scream, but before the scream was out of my mouth, there was my dad, scooping me up, holding me and my injured arm. He held me while my mother drove us to the emergency room. And he held me as they set my arm and put a pink cast on it. I do remember the pain, but I also remember how safe I felt in my dad's strong arms. And I remember the chocolate ice cream afterward.
I saw my sister Debbie first. She told me our mom was in with our dad and that he was going up to surgery soon. She said I had to wait to see him until after the surgery. Just then, my mother came out.
She looked very old. I burst into tears without saying a word, and she put her arms around me.
My father's injuries were extensive. He had been riding on the sidewalk and, as he approached a stoplight, it had turned green. He had the right of way, but the white delivery truck making the right-hand turn didn't think so. At least, the
sixteen-year-old driver didn't think so. Later, he admitted that he never saw my dad because he didn't look in his outside mirror.
The only reason my dad wasn't killed is that he ran into the van; the van did not run into him. He smashed head and face first into the side of the truck. His fiberglass helmet absorbed the blow, but he broke both shoulders and his left
clavicle. The doctors put him in a horrible metal brace that attached to his body with screws. It braced his head and neck and looked horribly painful. My mom forewarned me about this apparatus before she let me see my dad because she was afraid that the sight of him would freak me out. She was right.
Still, as my mom said, it could have been much worse. My dad never lost consciousness. This proved to be a very good thing because the shaken boy who drove the truck wanted to move my dad, to help him up. Even I know you don't move someone who has been injured like that.
"Your father was able to tell the kid to leave him alone and just call 911, thank God! If he had moved Daddy, there's no telling what might have happened. A broken rib might have pierced a lung...."
My mother may have said more, but I didn't hear. I didn't hear anything except those terrible words: Leave me alone.
My dad said them to save himself from being hurt more. How much had I hurt him when I hurled those words at him earlier in the day?
I had to wait until the next afternoon to see him. When I did, he was in terrible pain. I tried to tell him how sorry I was, but I couldn't tell if he heard me.
It was several days later that he was finally able to have a conversation. I held his hand gently, afraid of hurting him.
"Daddy... I am so sorry...."
"It's okay, sweetheart. I'll be okay."
"No," I said, "I mean about what I said to you that day. You know, that morning?"
My father could no more tell a lie than he could fly. He looked at me blankly and said, "Sweetheart, I don't remember anything about that day, not before, during or after the accident. I remember kissing you goodnight the night before,
though." He managed a weak smile.
I never wanted him to leave me alone. And to think it might have happened. If he had been killed, we all would have been left alone. It was too horrible to imagine. I felt incredible remorse for my thoughtless remark.
My English teacher, a very wise woman, once told me that words have immeasurable power. They can hurt or they can heal. And we all have the power to choose our words. I intend to do that very carefully from now on.
BY: Becky Steinberg
Only Words From Chicken Soup for the Soul: Teens Talk Relationships
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Monday, December 08, 2008
Five Essential Success Steps
A life without direction, without ambition, dreams and aspirations, could be a life half lived. Establish direction in your life, achieve your dreams and be very happy.
How do you maximize your chances of goal success?
Step 1. Life Review
Complete a thorough life review list. Gain a better understanding of your life including values, strengths, weaknesses & more. Determine the things you like and those you dislike and make a list of ten items each. Refine the information into key elements, rank your list and focus on the top three. Set a vision from these three key likes and dislikes and create a picture of where you want to be, those parts of your life you want changed and those parts you do not want changed. Use repetition techniques (say your vision to yourself 20 times daily) to reinforce your vision. Look beyond you current situation and lock your vision into your future.
Step 2. Goals
Develop Goal/s, based on the Life Review to achieve the changes or desires reviewed. Each goal should be summed up in one sentence. Goals need to be achievable (with a stretch), not open to interpretation, and set with boundaries of time and clear definition of success. Do not set goals which are truly beyond reach. If you have large incredible goals, break the goal up into short and long term goals. Set key dates and have clear descriptions of what you will do to achieve the goal by the set date. Don't be lazy, write it all down. Cement the goals into your conscious and subconscious mind. Repeat the goal to your self constantly, when awake and when asleep. If possible, dream of your goal/s.
Step 3. Actions
Develop the actions which will result in the achievement of the Goal/s. Using proper 'goal action' building techniques to ensure effectiveness. Your Action plan must include descriptions, dates, steps, responsibilities, what, how and when. Develop a thorough & effective plan to take you from A to B. Remember 'actions create outcomes', activity will only keep you busy. An action is defined as a completed task which gets you one step closer to total goal achievement. It may not be perfect, it may come across hurdles, don't let that stop you. Get started, don't procrastinate. Stop making up excuses. Make a list of all the actions, cross them off when completed. Use a diary if beneficial.
Step 4. Thinking
Review the journey to success. Is it working? What needs to change? Is your thinking process optimized? Create 'Positive Thought Statements' (words which empower you) to keep you motivated and complete the set goals. Set benchmark dates. Read material which will help you better understand and achieve the goal in mind. Measure your progress, review all obstacles and create solutions to move around or over them. Seek support where required from friends, family or from professionals such as Life Coaches. Continue to reinforce the goal in your mind. Believe in yourself and the achievement of your goal.
Step 5. Successful completion
When the goal is met to your satisfaction, celebrate the achievement. Be flexible, if you set an incredible goal (i.e. one which most of the population could not achieve) and you achieve 80% of the goal, that is truly a remarkable achievement. Cement the accomplishment, reward the effort and build on the success. What have you learnt about yourself? Review the Goal Success inline with your vision. Are your true expectations met? Be proud of what you have accomplished, whether it is big or small. Move onto the next big item in your life. Learn everyday, about yourself and the world around you.
- by Life Coach Leo
How do you maximize your chances of goal success?
Step 1. Life Review
Complete a thorough life review list. Gain a better understanding of your life including values, strengths, weaknesses & more. Determine the things you like and those you dislike and make a list of ten items each. Refine the information into key elements, rank your list and focus on the top three. Set a vision from these three key likes and dislikes and create a picture of where you want to be, those parts of your life you want changed and those parts you do not want changed. Use repetition techniques (say your vision to yourself 20 times daily) to reinforce your vision. Look beyond you current situation and lock your vision into your future.
Step 2. Goals
Develop Goal/s, based on the Life Review to achieve the changes or desires reviewed. Each goal should be summed up in one sentence. Goals need to be achievable (with a stretch), not open to interpretation, and set with boundaries of time and clear definition of success. Do not set goals which are truly beyond reach. If you have large incredible goals, break the goal up into short and long term goals. Set key dates and have clear descriptions of what you will do to achieve the goal by the set date. Don't be lazy, write it all down. Cement the goals into your conscious and subconscious mind. Repeat the goal to your self constantly, when awake and when asleep. If possible, dream of your goal/s.
Step 3. Actions
Develop the actions which will result in the achievement of the Goal/s. Using proper 'goal action' building techniques to ensure effectiveness. Your Action plan must include descriptions, dates, steps, responsibilities, what, how and when. Develop a thorough & effective plan to take you from A to B. Remember 'actions create outcomes', activity will only keep you busy. An action is defined as a completed task which gets you one step closer to total goal achievement. It may not be perfect, it may come across hurdles, don't let that stop you. Get started, don't procrastinate. Stop making up excuses. Make a list of all the actions, cross them off when completed. Use a diary if beneficial.
Step 4. Thinking
Review the journey to success. Is it working? What needs to change? Is your thinking process optimized? Create 'Positive Thought Statements' (words which empower you) to keep you motivated and complete the set goals. Set benchmark dates. Read material which will help you better understand and achieve the goal in mind. Measure your progress, review all obstacles and create solutions to move around or over them. Seek support where required from friends, family or from professionals such as Life Coaches. Continue to reinforce the goal in your mind. Believe in yourself and the achievement of your goal.
Step 5. Successful completion
When the goal is met to your satisfaction, celebrate the achievement. Be flexible, if you set an incredible goal (i.e. one which most of the population could not achieve) and you achieve 80% of the goal, that is truly a remarkable achievement. Cement the accomplishment, reward the effort and build on the success. What have you learnt about yourself? Review the Goal Success inline with your vision. Are your true expectations met? Be proud of what you have accomplished, whether it is big or small. Move onto the next big item in your life. Learn everyday, about yourself and the world around you.
- by Life Coach Leo
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Inspiring Story
One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of
the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.
On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "
Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much," were most of the comments.
No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.
Several years later, one of the students was killed in VietNam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.
As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. " Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked.
She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."
After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.
"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it." Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and
refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.
"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."
All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around.
Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."
Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."
"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary"
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists"
That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.
The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.
- Author Unknown
the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.
On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "
Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much," were most of the comments.
No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.
Several years later, one of the students was killed in VietNam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.
As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. " Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked.
She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."
After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.
"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it." Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and
refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.
"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."
All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around.
Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."
Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."
"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary"
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists"
That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.
The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.
- Author Unknown
Friday, November 28, 2008
Act In Spite of Your Mood
"I don't 'feel' like it", is a common chant we often say to ourselves or to others when we're tired, not in the mood, or simply procrastinating. No doubt feelings are important and need to be acknowledged, yet at the same time, they often prevent us from taking the action we need to take, at the time we need to take it. Consequently, in the end, because we didn’t do what we needed to do, we tend to feel worse.
It takes courage to act regardless of your current mood. It's easy to succumb to your feelings. But remember, your feelings come from your thoughts, and you have the power to change your thoughts. When you change your thoughts, you will change the way you feel. Instead of focusing on how you're not in the mood, focus on the benefit of completing whatever needs to get done. Focus on how you'll feel when you’re finished and how proud you'll be of yourself for acting in spite of not being in the perfect mood.
Utilize the "law of momentum" which states that, "A body at rest tends to remain at rest while a body in motion tends to remain in motion". In short, get into motion! Remember, moods are a product of the "mind". The trick is simple: don't think, just do it! Train yourself to "get started" even if you're not in the mood. Moods tend to quickly dissipate once you're in action.
Whenever you don't "feel" like it, check in with your current thoughts. What are you thinking that is resulting in this feeling? Then simply change your thoughts. Remember, action generally comes from your higher self, the part of you that is for growth and expansion. Inaction generally comes from your protective mind, the part of you that tries to keep you stuck in your comfort zone. When you act in spite of your mood, you are choosing to manage and control your mind instead of letting it control you!
So the next time you're not feeling "in the mood", either change your thinking or simply say to your mind, "thank you for sharing". Then focus on only taking the very first step to get started, then take another, and another. One step at a time until the law of momentum kicks in. By then, chances are you'll forget all about not being "in the mood", and will be well on your way to completing whatever it was you needed to do...and feeling great about it!
- by T. Harv Eker
It takes courage to act regardless of your current mood. It's easy to succumb to your feelings. But remember, your feelings come from your thoughts, and you have the power to change your thoughts. When you change your thoughts, you will change the way you feel. Instead of focusing on how you're not in the mood, focus on the benefit of completing whatever needs to get done. Focus on how you'll feel when you’re finished and how proud you'll be of yourself for acting in spite of not being in the perfect mood.
Utilize the "law of momentum" which states that, "A body at rest tends to remain at rest while a body in motion tends to remain in motion". In short, get into motion! Remember, moods are a product of the "mind". The trick is simple: don't think, just do it! Train yourself to "get started" even if you're not in the mood. Moods tend to quickly dissipate once you're in action.
Whenever you don't "feel" like it, check in with your current thoughts. What are you thinking that is resulting in this feeling? Then simply change your thoughts. Remember, action generally comes from your higher self, the part of you that is for growth and expansion. Inaction generally comes from your protective mind, the part of you that tries to keep you stuck in your comfort zone. When you act in spite of your mood, you are choosing to manage and control your mind instead of letting it control you!
So the next time you're not feeling "in the mood", either change your thinking or simply say to your mind, "thank you for sharing". Then focus on only taking the very first step to get started, then take another, and another. One step at a time until the law of momentum kicks in. By then, chances are you'll forget all about not being "in the mood", and will be well on your way to completing whatever it was you needed to do...and feeling great about it!
- by T. Harv Eker
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Beautiful Thoughts
Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life
just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh
until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe
that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you
that there really is an unlocked door
just waiting for you to open it.
Always try to help a friend in need
Believe in yourself
Be brave...but it's ok to be afraid sometimes
Study hard
Give lots of kisses
Laugh often
Don't be overly concerned with your weight, it's just a number
Always try to see the glass half full
Meet new people, even if they look different to you
Remain calm, even when it seems hopeless
Take lots of naps..
Be weird whenever you have the chance
Love your friends, no matter who they are
Don't waste food
RELAX
Take an occasional risk
Try to have a little fun each day.
...it's important
Work together as a team
Share a joke with friends
Fall in love with someone..
...and say "I love you" often
Express yourself creatively
Be conscious of your appearance
Always be up for surprises
Love someone with all of your heart
Share with friends
Watch your step
It will get better
There is always someone who loves you more than you know
Exercise to keep fit
Live up to your name
Seize the Moment
Hold on to good friends; they are few and far between
Indulge in the things you truly love
Cherish every Sunday
At the end of the day... PRAY
....... and close your eyes
And smile at least once a day!
- Deepthi
Someone who changes your life
just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh
until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe
that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you
that there really is an unlocked door
just waiting for you to open it.
Always try to help a friend in need
Believe in yourself
Be brave...but it's ok to be afraid sometimes
Study hard
Give lots of kisses
Laugh often
Don't be overly concerned with your weight, it's just a number
Always try to see the glass half full
Meet new people, even if they look different to you
Remain calm, even when it seems hopeless
Take lots of naps..
Be weird whenever you have the chance
Love your friends, no matter who they are
Don't waste food
RELAX
Take an occasional risk
Try to have a little fun each day.
...it's important
Work together as a team
Share a joke with friends
Fall in love with someone..
...and say "I love you" often
Express yourself creatively
Be conscious of your appearance
Always be up for surprises
Love someone with all of your heart
Share with friends
Watch your step
It will get better
There is always someone who loves you more than you know
Exercise to keep fit
Live up to your name
Seize the Moment
Hold on to good friends; they are few and far between
Indulge in the things you truly love
Cherish every Sunday
At the end of the day... PRAY
....... and close your eyes
And smile at least once a day!
- Deepthi
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
You Were A Reason, A Season or A Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
- Unknown
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
- Unknown
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Make a Difference
Once upon a time there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing.He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.
As he got closer he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?"
The young man paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean."
"I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?"
"The sun is up, and the tide is going out. And if I don't throw them in they'll die."
"But, young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach, and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"
The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said, "It made a difference for that one."
Each of us can make a difference to this world. Everybody is useful and it is just the matter of whether you want to make a difference.
- Unknown
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